Not a Travel Nightmare Story...No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know...no one wants to hear my travel nightmare story...not when I'm on my way to the Masters...but I'm stuck inside of EWR with nothing but time on my hands.

Alarm rang at 4 a.m.

Left house with coffee in hand at 4:20.

Gassed up the Subaru.

Flew to Newark, in the airport an hour and 45 minutes before my scheduled departure at 6:50 a.m. A line I cannot fathom awaits me at the US Airways Ticketing/Baggage Area. Fast-forward...I barely make it to the gate in time for my flight.

I buy coffee and a muffin for the flight, because U.S. Air (like most airlines these days) gives you nothing for free ($15 for a bag to be checked)...sit down. Immediately hear, "This is a full flight." I'm on the window, not the middle, which is usually a good thing. 'Cept I now see the fellow who's going to be sitting on the end is carrying a seat belt extender with him. Dude's pushing four bills. I swear. He sits down and immediately falls asleep and, like all obese people, starts snoring like a mountain lion. Drool, the whole bit.

And now the flight's "delayed" and, 45 minutes go by, and I've had too much coffee and I gotta pee and the fat dude's basically so "out" that there's no waking him up. I'll just hold it.

Another half-hour passes, we're still on the runway..."We've got a medical situation onboard, so we've got to go back to the gate." Fat dude is still sawing logs. I really gotta pee.

Another 30 minutes pass, we're at the gate, fat dude hasn't budged..."This flight has been terminated...your bags will be at Carousel 10 and US Airways Attendants will be at the gate to assist you with your travel plans."

We have to bang Fatso on the arm about 15 times before we can startle him. I get out, run to the men's room, get my bag and now, the line at the US Airways ticketing/baggage counter is twice as long as it was, oh, four hours ago...

I won't make it to Augusta today...

But I'll have another story to tell tomorrow.

Couldn't get to Columbia, SC...which is where you fly when going to Augusta, so the closest I could get to Norther Georgia today was Raleigh-Durham, which puts me kinda close to Chapel Hill, where I could find a familiar (if 23 years ago remains familiar) watering hole for the big game tonight. So, hopefully, all's well that ends well.

Go Heels.

(PS: As of 3 p.m., I'm still in Newark Airport and now considering buying a Hugo Boss suit, a pair of Ray Bans, a new cell phone, MP3 player and a vintage 70s NASA orange space suit).