There are infinite sayings on the subject. "Don't be
their friend, be their father" is one. "If you have never been hated
by your child you have never been a parent" is another. These things confuse me. I
want my sons to trust me like a friend. But I don't want them to hate me when I
don’t' react like a friend. I have become too feared. The fear my children have
for me – the fear they have in disappointing me – has become too great. Too
great, because they believe there are things they cannot talk to me about. Too
great, probably, because I haven't done a good enough job of explaining to them
that, even when I'm disappointed in things they've done, or decisions they've
made, they never truly disappoint me. My love for them only has one level. My
love for them never fluctuates from maximum.Sunday, March 2, 2014
#BuckFiftyADay: The Fatherhood Puzzle
There are infinite sayings on the subject. "Don't be
their friend, be their father" is one. "If you have never been hated
by your child you have never been a parent" is another. These things confuse me. I
want my sons to trust me like a friend. But I don't want them to hate me when I
don’t' react like a friend. I have become too feared. The fear my children have
for me – the fear they have in disappointing me – has become too great. Too
great, because they believe there are things they cannot talk to me about. Too
great, probably, because I haven't done a good enough job of explaining to them
that, even when I'm disappointed in things they've done, or decisions they've
made, they never truly disappoint me. My love for them only has one level. My
love for them never fluctuates from maximum.
Nicely put -- that tension between "feared omniscient overlord" and "guy who always thinks you're great" is hard to maintain, and sometimes it just comes out as tension. If I've learned anything, it's (a) worth it, and (b) never-ending.
ReplyDelete