I'm going to keep this informal, because it's about Rock and Roll, okay? First off, I'm going to call you out, 'cause I read in Rolling Stone where you said your favorite Bob Dylan song was "Maggie's Farm" and, well, no one's favorite Dylan song is "Maggie's Farm." I mean, I'm not sure it makes anyone's Top 10. Mr. Tambourine Man. Blowin' in the Wind. A Simple Twist of Fate. The Times They Are A-Changing, Forever Young. Do I need to go further? Ballad of a Thin Man (now THAT would've been a good call, Barack). Knockin' on Heaven's Door. So, I'm calling BS on Maggie's Farm, ok? You just should've said, "I wasn't into Dylan."
Instead you went "Maggie's Farm." Please.
But I'm willing to forgive and forget.
If...if...if you can sit down with your buddy Bruce Springsteen and bring him back to earth. Listen, I voted for you, but do not worship you. The way I look at it, you're just another dude with a chance to run the show for a while. I wish you luck. But, in the process of winning this election, you befriended a bunch of stars, who backed you and, somehow, somewhere, I'm not sure why, but we lost the Bruce Springsteen we all have known and loved for the last 30-plus years. I need no more evidence than the disaster of an album he released yesterday.
I'm blaming you, Barack, for Working on a Dream. Probably not 100 percent fair, but you're the new man in charge and sometimes it's tough in the Big Chair. I bet it was you who convinced him that whistling, not a Clarence Clemons solo, was the way to go on the title track.
Am I right?
While Bruce was out working for you, playing The Rising acoustic (that was good, by the way) and We Shall Overcome (tears in my eyes), you should've been reminding him, "Bruce, I'm way ahead in this race, bud, you better get back to work on that album of yours, bro. 'Cause, honestly, that Queen of the Supermarket deal? I mean, you couldn't have pulled that crap off when you were young and singing about Crazy Janey putting her fingers in the cake."
Make it right, Barack. Talk to Bruce and tell him to get back in the freaking studio and write some songs around the immense talents of the E Street Band. Rock songs. Guitars and drums, sax and, for god's sake, put Roy Bittan back to work on the piano! Danny Federici has already died, which broke our hearts, and no one in the band's getting any younger. An Obama Presidency was supposed to make Bruce happy, not turn him into some late 50s perv hanging out in the Rumson Shop-Rite (thanks, Bob F) ogling the checkout girls. So while we don't expect Darkness on the Edge of Town, is it too much to ask for some songs like Sherry Darling, Cadillac Ranch, You Can Look...sheez, I'd take Mary's Place...anything. I'm begging.
Bruce lives around the corner from me. I'm on the other side of the trestles, but you know what I mean. He and his kid surf at our beach and we leave him alone to enjoy the time. That's the way we like it. Just a normal guy ("There I was, one night, just a normal guy...") Most of us wish we were his friend. But we respect him and leave him alone.
But you are his friend, right? Or is that more Maggie's Farm bull-junk? No, no, I'm not going to call you out again. Just bring back our old Bruce, because real Bruce fans, we don't want to join the idiots at the live shows calling out for all the old stuff.
We just want some new stuff that rocks.
Thanks dude, your fellow American,